Mr Motivator!


“Our welfare reforms go beyond that alone – they are about giving new opportunity, new purpose, new hope – and yes, new responsibility to people who had previously been written off with no chance”…….

I’m so dumb, I just realized, this isn’t in response to criticisms of the welfare reforms of the Conservative Government, from the head of the Catholic Church in England and Wales. David Cameron is changing the public perception of the office of Prime Minister.

It’s no longer, David Cameron, Prime Minister of Great Britain. But Dave CamerON. The motivational Prime Minister, or just “The Motominister” for short. I picture him at the next Conservative Party conference enthusiastically taking the stage, pointing his fingers at everyone in a “Shooter McGavin” style wearing nothing but a pinstripe suite made of spandex….(Oh the humanity!!!!)

As, after all ,me thinking that this Government were only interested in punishing the poor for the audacity of….well….being poor. It’s actually Dave’s motivational methods.

The music playing is “Things Can Only Get Better” by D,ream. (It was the Conservatives that used it before right?)

His speech on welfare begins:-

Okayyyy, you benefit claimants, you lazy disabled people, on your feet!

and We’re Marching!!….(begins marching on the spot)

We’re marching…..marching…..marching…..toooo the food bank

food bank… bank

Now rub…. your… tummy (only Tories or mothers speaking to their kids use this word) because you’re starving

starving….starving……..insentivise….(quickening the pace and throwing arms in the air)

And Bedroomtaxbedroomtaxbedroomtaxbedroomtax….heatoreatheatoreatheatoreat….now

this is for the disabled only…….(still marching on the spot) now lunge to your right!!

and ATOS……ATOS…..ATOS….ATOS!!!now to your left CUTOFF….CUTOFF…CUTOFF!!

now squatting!!…..and there’s no such thing as JOBLESS……JOBLESS…….JOBLESS…..JOBLESS, you’re actually WORKLESS……..WORKLESS……WORKLESS WORKLESS…….feel that pain!!! (I find this an interesting new turn of phrase, the word workless. In other words there’s loads of jobs out there but obviously people don’t want to work right? making them workless. WRONG!!! Despite the slight increase in vacancies, the average salary has dropped, meaning that it’s part time job vacancies that are available. However, it is still 3.22 candidates per vacancy, rising to 50 candidates in places like Hull.)

Now (slowing the pace down)……cut……..that……..defffffffiiiiicit!

(Now standing, hands on hips) Now, everyone feeling hopeful, everyone got their New purpose? no one left behind? Goooooood

Now I’d like to finish my speech with a lovely little poem my friend George heard when I sent him up to Jolly Jocko land, he was watching some reality program called Chewing Some Fat I believe. Think the poem is by that haggis wearing tartan munching Jocko poet, Robbie Burns and it went a little like This:-

Eleven years on a downward spiral,

Every Friday you cash yer giro

Dss don’t think its funny

They decide to cut your money

All your work wrapped in a parcel

Get a job you workshy arseholes! (direct quote from episode of chewin the fat)

(Thunderous applause Dave leaves the stage hand in hand with Georgy Porgy)

Yes, this little piece is quite cynical, it’s hard not to be when you read a statement like the one at the top of this page. Is the PM for real?? He actually believes that vast Cuts to welfare empowers people?? Cut’s that if the conservatives win the next general election, will increase by another 12 billion pounds! This gives people hope?

This must be why, the Archbishop of Westminster, head of the Catholic Church in England and Wales has criticized David Cameron’s welfare reforms, describing them as “A disgrace”. The safety net of the welfare system has been totally torn away and is leaving people destitute. The Daily Mail, of all papers, reports that 26 bishops of the CoE have said this is a national crisis and is causing poverty and malnutrition.

You know, I think I might actually get where he’s coming from……I totally and utterly disagree with it, it’s wrong on so many levels. I can only describe it as inhuman. In this day and age, when it is possible to feed every person on the entire planet, that in the UK, people are now reliant on food banks to eat. The reason I say, I get where he’s coming from is because I think he’s making a massive judgement about people. He judges all people to be the same. Think the same. Have the same moral compass, the same ambition, live the same lives. I’ve heard this rhetoric before…..and surprisingly (not) it came from one of his predecessors. Margaret Thatcher.  I think most of us will remember this quote, “who is society?There is no such thing, there are individual men, women and there are families”. Taken from an interview at 10 downing street on Sept 23rd 1987. The interview is a real eye opener.  (Warning!, if you are a Socialist, you will need to take breaks reading this interview to let your blood pressure come back down from the stratosphere.)  Her views on Children, Education, and the “Youth Training Scheme” are quite revealing, having gone through the scheme myself I can only describe it as a life sucking, soul crushing daily grind, and in my opinion, nothing short of slave labour. The only qualification you could come out of the YTS scheme was a “Complete” certificate. I could literally write 10,000 words or more on this interview and the experiences of growing up in Thatcher’s Britain but it’s not the point of this piece.

So, there are only individuals and families….in otherwords if you are not in a traditional, functioning family, or a person contributing to and being part of the system then you are on your own. This is rampant capitalism, and it’s what Dave, just like Maggie before him, want everyone to be. They want you to want more and more, to contribute more money to the system. For everyone to be entrepreneurs. beginning to sound like a pyramid system, very much like the sopranos, but where Maggie was the Tony Soprano of her day, Dave is definitely the Christopher Moltisanti.

Empowering people through welfare cuts, it sounds almost like a satirical sketch. It’s hard to see these types of welfare cuts as anything other than cruel and inhuman, but it’s indicative of the typical tory thinking to have that level of cruelty. Russell Brand wrote an article a day or so after the death of Margaret Thatcher in which he quotes Norman Tebbit, – “one of Thatcher’s acolytes and fellow “Munsters evacuee”, said when the National Union of Mineworkers eventually succumbed to the military onslaught and starvation over which she presided: “We didn’t just break the strike, we broke the spell.” The spell he was referring to is the unseen bond that connects us all and prevents us from being subjugated by tyranny. The spell of community. (Russell Brand’s article)

Respectfully, I disagree with that last sentence of Russell’s. The people make up the community, it’s not an abstract concept. If you want to see community, all you need do is go to your local food bank, where people who can afford to spend a little of that hard-earned money, can donate food parcels to be distributed by volunteers to those who need it. Another example, from the US is this video. It shows a homeless man in the US being given a lottery ticket that ends up getting him $1000. Even though this man now suddenly had a large amount of cash, he still wanted to share it with the person who gave him the ticket. On being told all the money was his, he broke down, weeping on the shoulder of the ticket giver. Not weeping because he realised he could now afford to invest in an ISA, or the latest IPO from a blue chip company, but because he felt a connection to another human being. Wherever there is hardship, you will find good people trying to ease suffering. This is the community, the society that to the Tories, doesn’t exist.

Once again, I’ll end with a quote, from, ironically, the film “The Great Dictator”. One of Charlie Chaplin’s ‘talkies’ movies.

“In the 17th Chapter of St Luke it is written: “the Kingdom of God is within man” – not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people have the power – the power to create machines. The power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.

Then – in the name of democracy – let us use that power – let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world – a decent world that will give men a chance to work – that will give youth a future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power. But they lie! They do not fulfil that promise. They never will!

Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people! Now let us fight to fulfil that promise! Let us fight to free the world – to do away with national barriers – to do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness. Soldiers! in the name of democracy, let us all unite!”

While we are not all Soldiers, we are all, a society.